At the crux of nearly every power struggle lies an AGENDA – our agenda and our child’s agenda.
We want them to take a bath; they want to continue building legos.
We want them to finish homework; they want to prolong snack time.
We want them to go to sleep, they need one more of EVERYTHING!
While these “battles” are frustrating and even annoying at times, it’s so important that we honor (yes honor!) and respect (yes respect!) that our children have needs, feelings and agendas of their very own. Whether we like it or not, their agendas are just as important to them as ours are to us.
Strive to let go of the need to “win/gain the upper hand/show them who’s boss” – this mindset only invites the very resistance and defiance we’re wanting to avoid.
Instead, understand that there are deeper feelings and needs that underlie our child’s behavior (i.e. “defiance”) – feelings of powerlessness, disconnection, vulnerability and/or a need to be seen, heard and listened to.
Meet the needs and acknowledge the feelings and you’ll notice you’ll be battling less and enjoying each other more.
Wishing you all the best.
-Debbie